Things you shouldn’t hear in sexual identity therapy

We are often asked how sexual identity therapy is different than reorientation therapy and gay affirmative therapy. Here are some things you might hear in either one of those two approaches, but should not hear in SIT.

To heal homosexuality, one must relive past wounds.

Same-sex attracted people are touch deprived, so you need to receive healthy touch in therapy in order to change.

Homosexuality is a gender identity disorder.

You were born gay and you should accept that as who you are.

Experts agree that people are gay because ______.

Anyone can completely be free of homosexual attractions if they are motivated.

If you are attracted to the same sex, you are not trusting God enough.

Coming out of the closet is the only way to be really well-adjusted.

Your religion is homophobic and heterosexist, you should consider changing your church.

Feel free to post other sayings you should not hear in sexual identity therapy.


  1. Steve on July 27, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    How about:

    If you emerge from this therapy choosing to be openly gay, I, as your therapist, will be disappointed or consider therapy to have failed.

    Other professional, credentialed therapists can not to be trusted as much as those who are like me when it comes to sexual identity issues.

    If you have compounding mental health issues (depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar), sexual identity issues must be treated first. (And/or) resolving sexual issues usually fixes all other mental health problems. (And/or) drug therapy for depression, etc. never works. (And/or) drug therapy is contrary to God's will.

    Openly gay people have chosen sex over God.

  2. Warren Throckmorton on July 28, 2009 at 4:25 am

    Steve – you are on target. These are things you should never hear…

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